The Big Dirty Ask

I’m having a hard time lately.

Why is it that the closer I get to finishing this project, the worse I feel? It’s so… lonely, over here. I’ve reached the part where I’ve assembled a soft “prototype” (yes, I know the accepted term is manuscript, but since this thing has more than just words, the word prototype is better suited) and now I need some kind of feedback on it.  This is the hard part. Because I want real feedback. I don’t want blanket praise to appease my soul. Validation is great, but… I need to know what the problems are. I need honesty.

Which is the worst, because honesty I need, but maybe… honesty I do not want. Yeah, yeah… sensitive arty type, comin’ atcha.

Part of why this is hard is because I don’t feel like I have many people with whom I can share this stage of the project, for the purpose of feedback.

I have creative friends, but… they’re busy, you know? And how many times have I asked them to do this shit for me… sometimes they pull through, often they don’t. It’s so burdensome asking them AGAIN.

My non-creative friends… they don’t care. That sounds harsh, but really, they don’t care, and why should they? They think it’s great that I do things, sure… but they’re busy, too. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

My family. Love them, they love me. And that’s the biggest problem. I bring your attention to this email conversation with my mom yesterday:

Me: Here’s the back cover blurb for Lifesicle. What do you think? Does it make you want to read it? Anything you would change?

Mom: It’s fantastic! I’m not sure I like the title though. Reminds me of popsicle.

Me: That’s good! I like that it reminds you of popsicle, I was kind of going for that. But does the blurb make you want to read the book?

Mom: “landlocked” stopped me in my tracks. Like forests?

Me: Sure, if that’s what landlocked means to you. But does the blurb make you want to read the book?

Mom: It’s great, honey.

Me: Aaaaarrrrrhhhhhgggghhhhheeeeerrrrrggggghhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhhh (in my head).

End of email conversation.

As you can see, the question I wanted answered, the question I asked three times, a simple yes or no question... zero response. I can’t get proper feedback on three sentences. No way she can give me proper feedback on the entire book. But I’ve gone and sent it to her anyway… because I can’t friggin’ help myself. And because honestly I don’t know who else to send it to.

I am going to get professional editing done, as I did with Marlo. But that’s different. My editor will be focusing on the words, maybe asking some story related questions, but her feedback will be mainly technical. I’m looking forward to that. My editor does a great job, and she’s not afraid to give actual feedback.

I just wish I had a circle of people with whom I could share my work-in-progress, and to whom I could return the favour. It’s really lonely and hard working in a vacuum. But asking for help makes me feel like an asshole, and even talking about the book with my friends and family makes me feel dirty. What’s with that? Is that normal? Other people seem to have no problem talking about their creative projects, yet when I do it, I feel all the eyes in the world rolling so hard, and I’m ashamed of myself for bringing it up.

I guess that’s why I’ve been blogging so much. I’m pretty sure no one reads this, except for the occasional times when I go “hey look at this!” to people. But it helps to get my thoughts and feelings out, even if it’s like I’m screaming into a void.

Anyway. Whatever.

Here’s the cover design concept I've drafted. The aforementioned “blurb” is there, on the back portion of the cover. It has a typo, I'm aware. This is all just preliminary design stuff. Now I’m asking you -- O Great Internet Void -- with my head kind of down, looking shiftily off in the distance, mumbling so you can barely hear me… does this cover make you want to read my book? A simple yes or no will do. A yes or no BUT is even better. If you say “it’s lovely dear”, I’m gonna shake my fist at the universe, like a lot, and say 

Aaaaarrrrrhhhhhgggghhhhheeeeerrrrrggggghhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhhh probably out loud this time.

Front

Back

*The Great Internet Void reviews the book cover design 

in the way that only it can and then says nothing, because VOID”.

I’ll take your silence as a Yes.